Do you have shy regrets?

Moments you wish you could go back and replay?

And do you want to know how to avoid that in future?

There are 3 main pillars which work together to keep us feeling shy and behaving shyly: what we think, how we feel and what we do.

In my shy coaching courses, I call them: Head, Heart and Hands.

Let me tell you a story about one of my little shy regrets, to illustrate how they work together.

About 12 years ago I had started swimming in the ocean in a squad. After one swim, I was chatting with two girls about the swim, and one said “We’re going out to lunch today. Want to join us?”

Now my shy alarm bells started ringing loudly inside me:

My shy feelings of nervous anticipation, social anxiety and fear shot through my body.

My thoughts sang out in support with lots of nervous uncertainty: What will we talk about? Will we have anything in common? How much will it cost? Can I afford it?

My response, after an awkward pause: “Sorry, I have to work today!”

But when lunchtime came, I felt really sad that I’d said no. I imagined them together, laughing and having fun. And I regretted not taking the risk. I probably would have enjoyed myself. I might have even made a new friend or two.

And they never asked me again.

How does shyness work for you? Do you have the same trio at work?

In my 3-month coaching program for shy women, we explore each of these three pillars and simple strategies to address each one.

Did you know that your thoughts and feelings are there to keep you safe? So you need to pay attention to what they are saying. But that doesn’t mean you have to believe them.

So instead of just trying to calm down, I encourage you to first ask yourself – what is this shy feeling or thought trying to keep me safe from?

After you listen to the message within your feelings or thoughts, you will be able to let them go.

With your thoughts, just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true. You get to choose what you will believe and what you will reject.

And once you’ve listened to your nervous thoughts and feelings and let them go, it becomes much easier to intentionally choose your actions and responses.